Much has been said in the public arena in the last couple of years about Narcissism. Because of that there is some confusion about what it is, and what it isn’t, or who is a “Narcissist”? Hopefully, this article may clear up some basic questions, and perhaps alert folks to situations which might actually call for some professional intervention.There is a difference between clinical Narcissism (or narcissistic personality disorder/NPD) and having some narcissistic characteristics. This article will focus on NPD.

If narcissism was seen as a continuum, The low end could be viewed as “self-absorption”, followed by egocentric. Following these, we could use the description Narcissistic characteristics. At the highest end there would be narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a diagnosable mental health condition. There is a great difference between self-absorption, narcissistic characteristics, ego-centric behavior and NPD. NPD has several important diagnostic criteria, as well as fairly classic observable, and consistent patterns of behaviors. Generally speaking, input from those around the person with NPD is probably necessary to get the full picture. Examples of such behaviors will be summarized in this article.

People who might be viewed at the other points on the continuum (from NPD) have a much less severe impact on the people around them (though they certainly may be difficult at times). Generally, these folks are at least capable of developing insight. When properly motivated, they have the ability to change. Their self-orientation doesn’t necessarily reach into all areas of their life and relationships. NOTE: these folks might have an easier time in life (and be easier to work and live with) if they sought counseling for themselves. Also, it is important to recognize that all of us, as humans, have moments of selfishness, self-absorption and sometimes the hurtful behavior that might go along with that. The difference between this and a person who is diagnosable with NPD, has to do with the number of types of challenging behavior patterns, in that they are pervasive in almost every area of life. The long-term pattern of the types of behavior and relationships, intractable false narratives, and the general lack of insight of the person with NPD are pervasive throughout their lives.

A person with NPD might be willing to embrace the idea that they have some other type of mental health problem, such as anxiety or bi-polar disorder, pointing to themselves as being “victims” of such. However, owning that they have NPD is very rare.

A person who is actually diagnosable with NPD presents a totally unique and difficult challenge. The nature of the problem behaviors, the motivations, and the underlying causes of NPD make the chance that the person can develop any insight, or significant change, very low. This is because of the troublesome nature of their emotional relationships, the lack of authentic insight (replaced by grandiosity and even a delusional belief system), are formed to protect themselves from an actual emptiness inside and an ego that is too fragile for them to bear the true feelings that go along with it. They are very stuck on the defense mechanism called projection. In other words, whatever negative thing they are thinking, doing, or have done they turn it around and put it out onto someone else. You may all have become familiar lately with the saying: every accusation is a confession. That is what this refers to and originated with trying to help people understand how a person with NPD functions in such illogical ways. In general, those diagnosable with NPD will lie about almost anything, even when there is no need. They will make up lies that are very [...]

It’s true, as humans we are designed to continue to develop throughout our lifespan. This means that we can continue to learn about ourselves, understand ourselves, and find meaning in life. You might still have some unresolved issues from younger times. Good news, it’s never too late to face them.

In working with older clients, I have continued to be amazed and delighted to see personal growth, the spark of understanding and the pride in changing dysfunctional emotional or behavior patterns that this age group may experience. And, let me clarify, some of these folks are in their 90’s. They recognized that there was something going on in their lives that was not making them happy and decided that it was worthwhile doing what it might take to live their remaining years in the most positive emotional space possible.

The life experiences brought into the counseling room give the older clients wisdom and unique perspective. And, with their openness to different ways to approach things and to learning new coping skills – counseling becomes an important journey.

At times there might be challenges. Technological processes are not second nature to a lot of older folks, but with openness to keep trying; these tech resources can open some doors to help and a broadened perspective. Often the use of mindfulness practices is extremely helpful – learning to keep their focus on the present and live with intention, filtered through what is important to them, often helps relieve anxiety and lift depression. Encouragement from the counselor to practice self-care is another way that older clients find more positivity in their lives. Everyone needs to be able to express difficult emotions and experiences at times. Just because we grow older doesn’t mean we feel things any less. Counseling provides a safe and accepting place to do this and supports learning how to share with others in their lives. If you are a senior person and any of the above sounds like it might add life to years (or if you have an older person in your life who you feel might relate to these things), I encourage you to reach out to a counseling professional. Give it a try! I promise, you will not regret it.